A little while back I was in Canada, visiting a friend. She also happens to be a therapist. Staying in her gorgeous apartment overlooking the ocean, I had gone there to share and to heal. In the daytime she was busy with various clients. I had quiet time to myself to read, write, walk, do yoga and just be. In the evenings we would share food and talk. I had been telling her the story of my 4-year partnership.
And sometimes as I would hear myself speak it sounded like the plot of a film, or romance novel. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that this was my life.
I have read many books about relationships, personal development and consciousness. But the simple act of explaining my experience to someone I trust, began to clarify my perspective and give me a deeper insight into how I relate to the world. I started to see that it’s not until I clear myself of this history, that I can create a new future.
The past is gone. It’s just a story now. And I get to choose what to do with it. I can repeat it with another face or I can write a new chapter with all that I’ve learned about myself. A big part of me wants to just look forward and not dwell on the past. Frankly, the past hurts. But in these few days of sharing, I can see how important it is to look at the patterns, feel the feelings, and learn from them.
Listening is learning. Sharing is healing. And in my search for love, the real love I can only give myself, I am certain that I must find me before I start this cycle again.