This online dating experiment is bringing a lot to the surface. “What do I want?” continues ringing in my ears.

My first thoughts are: I want a man who is honest, kind and spiritual. I want a man who I am attracted to, that makes me laugh… blah, blah, blah!

But if I dare to go deeper, what I really want is to be happy in my own skin. To be at peace regardless of who I’m with. I want to not need anyone to take care of me, but rather to know how to care for and nourish myself.

But there is so much conditioning, to have a prince charming sweep in and take me away, live in a beautiful castle, have babies and live happily ever after. It’s a sort of prescribed recipe telling me how it should be.

But if I look at it closely, the implication in that story is that I have created a life for myself that I want to escape.

Ouch!

I think of the classic Disney fairytales that many of us grew up on. Most of the females in these tales, without much exception, have a life they don’t want to be in and are eventually saved by a man. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty- all highly attractive victims in their own lives. All toiling away and seemingly buying time till they finally find their prince.

But what if I don’t need saving? What if I’m much more interested in creating a life that I love, and having a prince charming join me there?

What if by facing these fairytales I can start to find what I really want instead of buying into someone else’s dream?