Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts PART 2: First Contact

Because so many of the men I photograph for online dating profile pictures have questions, I have teamed up with Maya Diamond, a dating and relationship coach, to answer their most important questions. In our last entry we explored the continual online dating dilemma:

“How do I get women to respond to my messages?”

This week Maya explains what to do once a woman actually sends you a message online.


RESPOND. RESPOND. RESPOND. Women love to know that you are listening and paying attention-to their words, their signals, and their feelings.  In your first email, along with what sparked your interest, let her know you read the section of the profile that refers to what she is looking for.  In other words, read that section, and let her know where you stand.  Do you measure up to her requirements?  This can also be a way to add humor and show your strengths.  For example, she might write she is looking for a man that is financially successful and a great dancer.  You may have two left feet, great rhythm, and a rockin’ income.  So when you write her tell her about that.  She will give you kudos for being honest and for taking a moment to listen and reflect on what she is wanting.  Example:

“I loved your profile. I am a yes to everything you are looking for, especially the part about having achieved success in the world.  I currently work as a project manager at Yahoo and enjoy it.  Unfortunately I probably fall short of your dancing requirement.  I started taking salsa a couple of months ago and I just nailed the basic step! What’s your favorite type of dance?”

Dating Don’t: BRAGGING

Don’t speak too highly of yourself!  While it is good to highlight your strengths, if you sound arrogant, self-important, or overly confident is a turn-off to most women.  Example:

“I definitely meet all of your requirements-god smiled when I was born.  I am unstoppable and highly intelligent.”  

When a man brags about himself and has nothing to do with a common interest or topic brought up in her profile it is a sign to a woman that you may lack an ability to understand or “get her world.”
Remember, she wants to hear from you, that is why she has created an online dating profile in the first place.  She wants to get a sense you care to read what she wrote, can reflect on it, and you are curious about her. I wish you luck with contacting her!


To ask a dating question or for more information about Maya Diamond, you can find her online at: