Some people don’t like saying no. In fact, I believe that saying it and hearing it can have equally petrifying effects depending on how you are looking at it.
I spoke to a friend the other day about online dating. Maybe because of my profile picture specialty or perhaps because it really is a booming industry on the rise, it just keeps coming up in conversation. And it seems that every time we get on the subject I not only learn more about others but more about myself.
My friend said that she didn’t want to do online dating and go out with a bunch of men, because then she would have to say ‘no’ to the ones she didn’t like.
But what makes this specific to online dating? How is finding someone you don’t like at a party or worse, being set up by a friend any different then saying “no” to a potential suitor you met online?
She said she didn’t want to hurt anyone. So, she doesn’t want to go on dates in case she doesn’t like the guy and has to let him know how she feels.
While I understand this point, it seems an interesting objection. Potential pain is always possible. But under this very broad definition, perhaps none of us should leave the house for fear of possibly getting hit by a car.
Hurt happens. Alone or together, it’s just part of life. And while fear can be an interesting indicator, it should not be the boss of our lives. I think the first trick is to experience it honestly. My advice to her was to go on tons of dates and by doing so to face that fear. And only cross that, “he is in love with me and I don’t feel the same way” bridge when you come to it. Playing the field is one thing, but I think it’s important to remember that it’s all a shared experience. And on this “field”, usually if you aren’t feeling it, they aren’t feeling it either.